Men and Marriage - a Review

Men and Marriage by George Gilder
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A detailed and devasting critique of the sexual revolution. A fascinating and insightful look at the differences between men and women. Written in the late 70s, revised in the early 80s, Gilder questions feminist assumptions in detail. Assumptions which have settled into conventional wisdom since he wrote. Many of his assertions are shocking, now, but would have been casually received wisdom 100 years ago. He goes a bit beyond PG13 in his vivid descriptions of sex differences, which was new and interesting territory, especially psychologically and sociologically. I found his writing style gripping, though it’s a bit academic. He is a social critic who disagrees with 90% of sociologists in his thesis.

Basic thesis: If young men are not tamed by female virtue and sexuality, and brought into civilization, they become a destructive force. The only way to tame them, by the laws of nature designed by God, is for them to marry and commit to a woman and their children.

Gilder is prescient on many fronts. Here’s one:
“Rather than defending society, the young men attack it and exalt macho foreign potentates and desperadoes” (158). Read, Putin, on the right. On the left: Che Guevarra. Hamas.

Here’s a sampling of other quotes, to get you to take up and read yourselves.

"women in the home are not performing some optional role that can be more efficiently fulfilled by the welfare state. Women in the home are not 'wasting' their human resources. The role of the mother is the paramount support of civilized human society. It is essential to the socialization of both men and of children. The maternal love and nurture of small children is an asset that can be replaced, if at all, only at vastly greater cost." (210)

"Crucial to creating a civilized society is inducing girls to say no to boys. This requires strong and usually religious rationales and sanctions that differentiate by gender. Value-free sex education is a powerful invitation to premature sex (223)."

"There are no 'human beings,' just men and women... Men will do most of the production and women most of the reproduction" (227).

"To the average sexual liberal, the role of women seems so routine that it can be assumed by a few bureaucrats managing child development centers.... the duties of the home are so undemanding that they can be accomplished with part-time effort" (228).

"The woman's role is nothing less than the hub of the human community" (230).

"…the desire for male protection and support, the hope for a stable community life, and the aspiration toward a better long-term future. The success or failure of civilized society depends on how well the women can transmit these values to the men... those matters that we consider of such supreme importance that we do not ascribe a financial worth to them" (230).

"[Sexual liberals] deeply misunderstand what makes people happy. The pursuit of sexual promiscuous pleasures, which many of them offer as an alternative to the duties of family, leads chiefly to misery and despair. It is procreation that ultimately makes sex gratifying and important, and it is home and family that give resonance and meaning to life" (240).

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