Grace Goes First

[Letter to Doug Wilson on his blog, where he said] “In a biblical marriage, respect confers respectability.” What do you say to those who say that respect is earned by being respectable? - grh

[Doug Wilson responds:] "grh, I would say that in that case, love is earned by being lovable. Which is obviously false."

There's deep, important truth in these few words.  We are SO tangled up as a people in relational grudges and moralistic saviors, that it is VERY attractive to us to say, "respect is earned by being respectable.  I'll treat you right when you start treating me right."  Until we see the reverse in love, and realize, this would be a world totally lacking in grace.  

Trust me, none of us wants a world in which we get exactly what we deserve.  So we need to go first in extending respect to the not-quite-respectable-yet husband.  Go first in extending love to the not-quite-yet-lovable wife.  

Not to get them to change - don't get mad when they don't respond perfectly to your uber-graciousness the first time.

But simply because you should.

John 13:34 - "just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another."