From Forgiven to Forgiving, a Review

From Forgiven to Forgiving by Jay E. Adams
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book was a godsend loaner from a friend at a time when I had to sort out in conflict my objective guilt from feelings of guilt, and when I had to think through how to be forgiving toward those who offended me and didn’t acknowledge it at all.

Adams’ key point at the start is that forgiveness is not a feeling, but a transaction. It is a promise not to hold the wrong against the other person.
He asserts that forgiveness is conditional – you can’t forgive without repentance on their part. You can pray for God to change them, and to not be bitter yourself.

In chapter 6, on errors in forgiving, he says that forgetting is not the point. You can’t determine to forget something! The point is to commit that you won’t indulge the grudge to yourself, or relate it to others to use against them. The remembrances will go away over time naturally if you do this.

On the error of forgiving yourself, Adams is a bit off. Low self-image is a real thing, and not accepting God’s forgiveness.

In chapter 7 Adams says that forgiveness is incomplete if restored relationship doesn’t follow. I don’t think this works with another key assertion Adams makes: you can be forgiven but still suffer consequences. One of the consequences may be a more limited relationship, or none at all. It is ideal to pursue complete restoration of the relationship. But very often people part, agreeing to disagree on various matters. This is not sinful.


In chapter 8 Adams asserts that you can't truly forgive unbelievers at all, because they can't repent. This is too strictly rejecting the common grace God can give an unbeliever. An unbeliever can sincerely renounce an offense and a Xian can forgive him for that.

In chapter 9, Adams discusses how to keep the promise to forgive.
You have to accept the consequences - this was good.
You have to keep busy thinking about other things, instead of brooding on someone's offense against you. This is a bit simplistic. You need more than just to occupy your mind with other things. It’s vital to truly let it go, and surrender justice to God for the offense.

Skipping to the end, in chapter 20 Adams says this:
“If you have wronged anyone by doing something the Bible forbids, you are guilty – whether you feel like it or not.”
Very true.

“If you have allowed an unreconciled condition to remain between you and a brother, you are guilty – whether you feel like it or not.”
Hold on. Don’t forget Romans 12:18. Sometimes people are determined to stay unreconciled with you, no matter what you do, so they can do what they want to do. Or you disagree objectively on the nature or magnitude of the offense. It can become a case of casting pearls before swine, if they have no interest in reconciling, and you continue to feel guilty because the relationship is not reconciled. This gives the hardened-hearted, unrepentant party all the power in the relationship. Adams’ statement here is filled with dangers.

“The Bible [in John 3:16]… isn’t speaking of love as feeling but rather of love as giving. Fundamentally love is giving. That is why you can obey the biblical commandments to love even when you don’t feel like it.”
This is SO true. When you give your time, your words, or your muscle to your family, you are loving them. If your heart is resenting it the whole time, that’s a problem and you’re being hypocritical. But it’s as hypocritical to say “be warm and well fed,” and not actually heat and feed your family. Love is objective giving as much as it is a heart loyalty.

“Since feelings are unnecessary to guilt, forgiveness and love, do they have any place at all? Certainly! There is one feeling that should always accompany reconciliation – joy!”
I would not make a simplistic bifurcation here, as Adams does. Feelings can prompt us rightly to confession and forgiveness, when we feel guilt. Or others can manipulate those feelings to make us confess things we should not. When we are truly reconciled, feelings of joy are natural. But feelings of resentment and grudge resurface and need managing (mortifying, really).

Overall, this is a very helpful and convicting book, practically in the Christian life.
But there are some areas I would caution against an overly rigid or simplistic application to complex situations.

4 stars!

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