Help from Our Forefathers in Grief

Yesterday I posted several Scripture passages that give us some answers that arise when our loved one suffer tragedy or die.

Today I also commend to you what I consider the best that Christians have written about this.
These are not the Words of God, and so are not infallibly accurate.  But they are time tested to be reliable summaries of Scriptural truth.

This is controversial to some Christians, but I will be assuming as a Reformed believer (following the way men like John Calvin read the Bible) that God is sovereign and in control of everything, always.  He is not the author of sin, but He does ordain that it happen.

Amos 3:6 - "If there is calamity in a city, will not the LORD have done it?"
So we'll look at some thoughts on providence, too.

I'm using some of the same questions from the last post, reordered a bit.


1. Where do I go, who do I go to, for comfort?
What is your only comfort in life and in death?
That I am not my own,
but belong—
body and soul,
in life and in death—
to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.

He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood,
and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil.
He also watches over me in such a way
that not a hair can fall from my head
without the will of my Father in heaven;
in fact, all things must work together for my salvation.

Because I belong to him,
Christ, by his Holy Spirit,
assures me of eternal life
and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready
from now on to live for him.

Heidelberg Catechism Question 1

2. What is happening now to our loved ones who have died trusting Jesus? Where are they?
Since Christ has died for us, why do we still have to die?
Our death does not pay the debt of our sins.
Rather, it puts an end to our sinning
and is our entrance into eternal life.

Heidelberg Catechism Q42


How does Christ’s resurrection benefit us?
First, by his resurrection he has overcome death,
so that he might make us share in the righteousness
he obtained for us by his death.

Second, by his power we too
are already raised to a new life.

Third, Christ’s resurrection
is a sure pledge to us of our blessed resurrection.

Heidelberg Catechism Q45



How does “the resurrection of the body” comfort you?
Not only will my soul
be taken immediately after this life
to Christ its head,1
but also my very flesh will be
raised by the power of Christ,
reunited with my soul,
and made like Christ’s glorious body.2
1 - Luke 23:43; Phil. 1:21-23
2 - 1 Cor. 15:20, 42-46, 54; Phil. 3:21; 1 John 3:2

Heidelberg Catechism Q57


How does the article [in the Apostles' Creed] concerning “life everlasting” comfort you?
Even as I already now experience in my heart
the beginning of eternal joy,
so after this life I will have
perfect blessedness such as
no eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no human heart has ever imagined:
a blessedness in which to praise God forever.

Heidelberg Catechism Q58

The Last Judgement
Finally we believe,
according to God’s Word,
that when the time appointed by the Lord is come
(which is unknown to all creatures)
and the number of the elect is complete,
our Lord Jesus Christ will come from heaven,
bodily and visibly,
as he ascended,
with great glory and majesty,
to declare himself the judge
of the living and the dead.
He will burn this old world,
in fire and flame,
in order to cleanse it.

Then all human creatures will appear in person
before the great judge— men, women, and children,
who have lived from the beginning until the end of the world.

They will be summoned there
“with the archangel’s call and with the sound of God’s trumpet.”

For all those who died before that time
will be raised from the earth,
their spirits being joined and united
with their own bodies in which they lived.

And as for those who are still alive,
they will not die like the others
but will be changed “in the twinkling of an eye”
from perishable to imperishable.

Then the books (that is, the consciences) will be opened,
and the dead will be judged
according to the things they did in the world,
whether good or evil.

Indeed, all people will give account
of all the idle words they have spoken,
which the world regards as only playing games.
And then the secrets and hypocrisies of all people
will be publicly uncovered in the sight of all.

Therefore, with good reason
the thought of this judgment
is horrible and dreadful
to wicked and evil people.
But it is very pleasant
and a great comfort
to the righteous and elect,
since their total redemption
will then be accomplished.

They will then receive the fruits of their labor
and of the trouble they have suffered;
their innocence will be openly recognized by all;
and they will see the terrible vengeance
that God will bring on the evil ones
who tyrannized, oppressed, and tormented them
in this world.

The evil ones will be convicted
by the witness of their own consciences,
and shall be made immortal—
but only to be tormented
in “the eternal fire
prepared for the devil and his angels.”

In contrast, the faithful and elect will be crowned
with glory and honor.
The Son of God will profess their names
before God his Father and the holy and elect angels;
all tears will be wiped from their eyes;
and their cause—
at present condemned as heretical and evil
by many judges and civil officers—
will be acknowledged as the cause of the Son of God.

And as a gracious reward
the Lord will make them possess a glory
such as the human heart could never imagine.

So we look forward to that great day with longing
in order to enjoy fully
the promises of God in Christ Jesus, our Lord.

Belgic Confession Article 37

The state of men after death
The bodies of men, after death, return to dust, and see corruption; but their souls (which neither die nor sleep), having an immortal subsistence, immediately return to God who gave them. The souls of the righteous, being then made perfect in holiness, are received into the highest heavens, where they behold the face of God in light and glory, waiting for the full redemption of their bodies:

Westminster confession of faith 32:1




3. Can I really trust a God who does this to me, or who allows this to happen?

What do you understand by the providence of God?
The almighty and ever present power of God
by which God upholds, as with his hand,
heaven and earth and all creatures,
and so rules them that
leaf and blade,
rain and drought,
fruitful and lean years,
food and drink,
health and sickness,
prosperity and poverty—
all things, in fact, come to us

not by chance
but by his fatherly hand.

How does the knowledge of God’s creation and providence help us?
We can be patient when things go against us,
thankful when things go well,
and for the future we can have
good confidence in our faithful God and Father
that nothing in creation will separate us from his love.
For all creatures are so completely in God’s hand
that without his will
they can neither move nor be moved.

Heidelberg catechism Question 27-28



What does the fourth request [of the Lord's Prayer] mean?
“Give us this day our daily bread” means:
Do take care of all our physical needs
so that we come to know
that you are the only source of everything good,
and that neither our work and worry nor your gifts
can do us any good without your blessing.

And so help us to give up our trust in creatures and trust in you alone.

Heidelberg catechism Question 125

God's Providence
We believe that this good God,
after creating all things,
did not abandon them to chance or fortune
but leads and governs them
according to his holy will,
in such a way that nothing happens in this world
without God’s orderly arrangement.

Yet God is not the author of,
and cannot be charged with,
the sin that occurs.
For God’s power and goodness
are so great and incomprehensible
that God arranges and does his works very well and justly
even when the devils and the wicked act unjustly.

We do not wish to inquire
with undue curiosity
into what God does that surpasses human understanding
and is beyond our ability to comprehend.

But in all humility and reverence
we adore the just judgments of God,
which are hidden from us,
being content to be Christ’s disciples,
so as to learn only what God shows us in the Word,
without going beyond those limits.

This doctrine gives us unspeakable comfort
since it teaches us
that nothing can happen to us by chance
but only by the arrangement of our gracious
heavenly Father,
who watches over us with fatherly care,
sustaining all creatures under his lordship,
so that not one of the hairs on our heads
(for they are all numbered)
nor even a little bird
can fall to the ground
without the will of our Father.

In this thought we rest,
knowing that God holds in check
the devils and all our enemies,
who cannot hurt us
without divine permission and will....

Belgic Confession Article 13



Providence
The almighty power, unsearchable wisdom, and infinite goodness of God so far manifest themselves in his providence that it extendeth itself even to the first fall, and all other sins of angels and men, and that not by a bare permission, but such as hath joined with it a most wise and powerful bounding, and otherwise ordering and governing of them, in a manifold dispensation, to his own holy ends; yet so as the sinfulness thereof proceedeth only from the creature, and not from God; who, being most holy and righteous, neither is nor can be the author or approver of sin.

Westminster Confession of Faith 5:4



4. Is there life after death? How can I make sure I have it?

How are you righteous before God?
Only by true faith in Jesus Christ.

Even though my conscience accuses me
of having grievously sinned against all God’s commandments,
of never having kept any of them,
and of still being inclined toward all evil,
nevertheless,
without any merit of my own,
out of sheer grace,
God grants and credits to me
the perfect satisfaction, righteousness, and holiness of Christ,
as if I had never sinned nor been a sinner,
and as if I had been as perfectly obedient
as Christ was obedient for me.

All I need to do
is accept this gift with a believing heart.

Heidelberg Catechism Q60

The Bible Has Answers in Our Grief

This past Saturday 4 of my nephews and nieces were in a tragic and fatal car accident.

My 22-year-old niece was driving and died of internal injuries, and my 13-year-old nephew has skull fractures and they still don't know if he'll make it.  Another niece and nephew, younger, escaped with only bruises and broken bones.

When the shock subsides and the grief begins to set in, where do you turn for answers?


In one sense, of course, there are no answers.  We don't know specifically why God allows such tragedies.  He makes us walk by faith, not explaining everything for us now, giving us promises that won't be fulfilled until after our death.

But God has not left us without hope.  And He gives certain and sure answers to the most important questions we will have.  We find hope and answers primarily in God's Word, the Bible.  Our hope is in the God who has acted faithfully, most centrally in the resurrection of Jesus the Christ, and He recorded those acts, what they mean, and God's further promises to us in the Scriptures.  Speaking of the Scriptures themselves, Paul says in Romans 15:4: "whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope."

So I make no apology for a long post with a lot of Scripture.  As one of the family, and a minister of the Word, I can't think of something I want more right now than that my family and anyone grieving today trust God as He speaks in His Word, and trust what He says there. 

Our thoughts and feelings vacillate wildly in grief and that is normal. 
These are not always direct and complete answers, but we trust God that they are enough to trust Him for now.
This is home base to come back to.  THIS is what we need to hear and where we need to go for refuge and comfort in such times.

I've started each section with questions we can have in italics.


1. Does God know how much this hurts?  Does He care?
John 11:33-36
when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. 34 And He said, “Where have you laid him?”
They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.”
35 Jesus wept. 36 Then the Jews said, “See how He loved him!”

Isaiah 53:3-4
    He is despised and rejected by men,
    A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief...
    Surely He has borne our griefs
    And carried our sorrows;

Psalm 130
    Out of the depths I have cried to You, O LORD;
    2      Lord, hear my voice!
    Let Your ears be attentive
    To the voice of my supplications.

    3      If You, LORD, should mark iniquities,
    O Lord, who could stand?
    4      But there is forgiveness with You,
    That You may be feared.

    5      I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
    And in His word I do hope.
    6      My soul waits for the Lord
    More than those who watch for the morning—
    Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.

    7      O Israel, hope in the LORD;
    For with the LORD there is mercy,
    And with Him is abundant redemption.
    8      And He shall redeem Israel
    From all his iniquities.

Psalm 42:5-6, 9
    Why are you cast down, O my soul?
    And why are you disquieted within me?
    Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him
    For the help of His countenance.
    6      O my God, my soul is cast down within me;
   9      I will say to God my Rock,
    “Why have You forgotten me?

Psalm 56:8
    You number my wanderings;
    Put my tears into Your bottle;
    Are they not in Your book?

Job 1:11-13
Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon him, each one came from his own place... For they had made an appointment together to come and mourn with him, and to comfort him. 12 And when they raised their eyes from afar, and did not recognize him, they lifted their voices and wept; and each one tore his robe and sprinkled dust on his head toward heaven. 13 So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.


2. Is there life after death?  How can I make sure I have it?
John 11:25 - [Jesus to Martha at Lazarus' tomb:]
I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. 26 And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?

1 Corinthians 15:51-57
Behold, I tell you a mystery: We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed—52 in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. 53 For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. 54 So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: “Death is swallowed up in victory.”
    55      “O  Death, where is your sting?
    O Hades, where is your victory?”
56 The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.



3. What is happening now to our loved ones who have died trusting Jesus?  Where are they?
Revelation 7:9-11
After these things I looked, and behold, a great multitude which no one could number, of all nations, tribes, peoples, and tongues, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed with white robes, with palm branches in their hands, 10 and crying out with a loud voice, saying, “Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!” 11 All the angels stood around the throne and the elders and the four living creatures, and fell on their faces before the throne and worshiped God...
“These are the ones who come out of the great tribulation, and washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. 15 Therefore they are before the throne of God, and serve Him day and night in His temple. And He who sits on the throne will dwell among them. 16 They shall neither hunger anymore nor thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them, nor any heat; 17 for the Lamb who is in the midst of the throne will shepherd them and lead them to living fountains of waters. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”

2 Corinthians 5:1-7
For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 2 For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven, 3 if indeed, having been clothed, we shall not be found naked. 4 For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life. 5 Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.
6 So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. 7 For we walk by faith, not by sight. 8 We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.

Revelation 14:13
Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on. “Yes,” says the Spirit, “that they may rest from their labors, and their works follow them.”

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep,  lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. 14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.
15 For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. 16 For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore comfort one another with these words.

John 14:1-6
Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. 2 In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. 4 And where I go you know, and the way you know.”
5 Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?” 6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.


4. Where do I go, who do I go to, for comfort?
Psalm 46:1-3
    God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.
    2      Therefore we will not fear,
    Even though the earth be removed,
    And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
    3      Though its waters roar and be troubled,
    Though the mountains shake with its swelling.

Psalm 23
    The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
    2      He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
    He leads me beside the still waters.
    3      He restores my soul;
    He leads me in the paths of righteousness
    For His name’s sake.
    4      Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
    I will fear no evil;
    For You are with me;
    Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
    5      You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
    You anoint my head with oil;
    My cup runs over.
    6      Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
    All the days of my life;
    And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
    Forever.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."


5. Does God really know me?  Will He bring us to Him after and through trouble?
Isaiah 43:1-7
    “Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by your name;
    You are Mine.
    2      When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
    When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
    Nor shall the flame scorch you.
    3      For I am the LORD your God,
    The Holy One of Israel, your Savior...
    5      Fear not, for I am with you;
    I will bring your descendants from the east,
    And gather you from the west;
    6      I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
    And to the south, ‘Do not keep them back!’
    Bring My sons from afar,
    And My daughters from the ends of the earth—
    7      Everyone who is called by My name,
    Whom I have created for My glory;
    I have formed him, yes, I have made him.”


6. Can I really trust a God who does this to me, or who allows this to happen?
Job 1:21
    Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
    And naked shall I return there.
    The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away;
    Blessed be the name of the LORD.”

Romans 8:18, 28, 34-39
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.... 28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.... 34It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 As it is written:
    “For Your sake we are killed all day long;
    We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”
37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Psalm 139:1-5, 16
    O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
    2      You know my sitting down and my rising up;
    You understand my thought afar off.
    3      You comprehend my path and my lying down,
    And are acquainted with all my ways.
    4      For there is not a word on my tongue,
    But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
    5      You have hedged me behind and before,
    And laid Your hand upon me.
    16  Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
    And in Your book they all were written,
    The days fashioned for me,
    When as yet there were none of them.


7. Why does God let such awful things happen to His children?
1 Peter 1:3-9
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, 5 who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, 8 whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, 9 receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls.

Christian Masculinity - again?

Tons have been written about Christian masculinity in the last 10 years or so.
I've found Aaron Renn's The Masculinist to be among the best.

He has announced he is stopping production, but all 37 issues are still online for your benefit.

Renn alternates between cultural analysis and personal practicality, issue to issue:
Why churches are failing.
How to talk to women.
The trouble with men.
Improving your posture.
Marrying up.
Habits in the home.

Renn is insightful.  Going beyond rants and moralistic advice, he gives you a nuanced reason for his views.

I've consistently found these helpful, and hope my readers will head to The Masculinist before it's taken down.

On Music in Church

Erik Routley, in The Music of Christian Hymns:

There is an "immobility in amateur singers which composers for them have to live with. They like repeated notes and stepwise movement--which they get in many popular tunes today."

Speaking of a hymn melody: "Its popularity must be mainly due to its extreme simplicity.  Not many tunes move only within the compass of a fifth, but this one does, and it could not be easier to memorize. In all other respects it is limited and unenterprising, but congregations will put up with a great deal of that if it brings with it the premium of demanding very little effort on their part. (Musicians constantly wonder why congregations in church tolerate so much dull and tedious music; but musicians have to live with a certain amount of that because not everybody is like them: they are like good tennis players having to play with rabbits.)"

I agree completely with this need to accommodate the man in the pew's musical ability, while rejecting the tone of superiority I perceive in the quote.

It isn't loving the boring or tedious, but returning to the familiar and easier so your focus can be on the Lord Himself.

As a pastor and musician, I think it is critical that church musicians reject an attitude of superiority to the congregation (why can't they appreciate more complex music?) and adopt one of service.  Not saying you've got that problem, but I've seen it around now and then.  Yes, you have more musical knowledge and skill and appreciation than most at church, but how you bring that to them to crucial.  Just as a preacher needs to connect with people on their level and not just dish up a lot of Hebrew/Greek and heady theology in the pulpit, so music selection needs to be accessible and only occasionally challenging.

I remember starting a pastorate years ago and being excited to have the Trinity Hymnal and Book of Psalms for singing to work with as far as picking music every week.  I went a little crazy picking too much lesser known stuff in my zeal to expand the congregation's repertoire.  A wise deacon piped up at a Session meeting and asked if I could limit the unfamiliar number of hymns/Psalms to 1, 2 at the most, per service.  I was a little grumpy about it at first, but he was right.  I love the Psalms and ancient hymns we sing at church, but I think we can frustrate our congregations and especially visitors unknowingly when we sing too much complex and challenging music.

People usually come to worship music as a place of rest, NOT a time they want to learn something new and put in effort to explore creatively.  The familiar facilitates worship in a way the new does not.  We know this liturgically - routine is important - recall the CS Lewis quote about not wanting to feel experimented on during a worship service!  The time we spend focused on the steps of the dance (learning new music or trying complex music) should be minimized in preference to enjoying the familiar dance.  Not that we have to always cater to that ("Sing a new song to the Lord") but we need to serve them with the main goal of facilitating worship.  That means considering the frame of human worshipers and managing expectations accordingly.  Educating or innovating creatively in our music selection is a lower priority, though also important.

My favorite example of this: when 9/11 happened I was in seminary with a college campus next door.  The college chapel people came over, planning a memorial service that night, wanting to borrow the seminary's hymnals.  (They didn't have any.)  They knew the CCM they were singing wouldn't cut it in the face of such tragedy.  On a smaller scale, your average worshiper comes into church every Sunday seeking refuge from distress in the familiar.

Revolutionaries // Seriously

Groen van Prinsterer should be better known.  Here is an article summarizing the 19th Century Dutch historian's thoughts on the French Revolution, politics and faith.  For one example, the Revolution showed that a government based on secular unbelief will be not the savior, but the executioner of the people.  He also critiques social contract theory, which repudiated the divine right of kings, and which was foundational in the American political formation.  Van Prinsterer's book "Unbelief and Revolution" has just been reprinted.


John Piper has a serious article on Galatians.  After quoting several verses of Paul's imploring and severe words ("let them be accursed!"), Piper drops this bombshell: "Woe to the pastor or the worship leader who creates an entertainment atmosphere in their church where this kind of seriousness feels out of place."  Churches need to do a lot more thinking of how to foster in our meetings an emotional tone that fits with Scripture instead of so badly going against its grain, in trying to be casual, accessible, hip, or otherwise relevant to the culture around them.

A Bible Question: Does God Stop Listening?

Psalm 32:6 "Therefore let everyone who is godly offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found; surely in the rush of great waters, they shall not reach him."

Question: Isn't that saying that sometimes God isn't listening? What am I missing?

The main point here connects with verse 5: there will come a time when it is too late to repent and be forgiven. Both in our death and God's final judgment of us.  But also on earth, God brings consequences for our sins after a time if we don't change in time.

The second half of the verse is tricky and can be read two ways.
1. "They" refers to the godly's prayers. The point then is that the prayers of confession are too late - only to stop the consequences, not to really repent. Hebrews 12:16-17 would be an example of this. I don't read the verse this way, because it says "the godly," and it's the ungodly who act this way.

2. "They" refers to the waves that won't reach the godly. Verse 7 seems to confirm this. This isn't an absolute: "the godly will never have trouble, and be spared all consequences of their sin." But there is an ultimate sparing and mercy from God to His people.

Handling Your Toddler's Temper Tantrum

What do I do when my 2 year old throws a tantrum?

What parent of little ones hasn’t faced this?  Here are some thoughts.

1.      Remember the human condition.  We have inherited a sinful nature going all the way back to Adam and Eve.  As your child’s physical capabilities grow, so will her ability to sin.  Expect this, no matter how diligent you are in your home to discipline your children.  When the fit starts, maybe you arranged things badly and can learn from that.  But many times a tantrum comes from sin welling up from within.  You haven’t failed as a parent.  When you enroll in a math class you should expect math problems; when you become a parent, expect to deal with sin in your child.

2.      Trust God.  The first step in solving this problem is faith.  You’re staring sin right in the face, and it’s in your precious baby!  You’re desperate to stop it, and you know you’re called to deal with it.  But remember we overcome sin only with God’s help.  The toddler tantrum is one of the early indicators for Christian parents that they are not in full control of their child’s soul.  God is sovereign here as everywhere, so we have to trust Him.  But that is not a resigned trust.  God has given us promises of blessing for our children as we trust Him.

3.      Keep calm, and parent on.  What does faith look like when the tantrum starts?  Keep a calm and strong spirit in response to an emotional child.  If you lose it in response to their losing it, you are not leading but following your child.  I don’t care what Montessori says, this is the death of good parenting.  Pleasant and smiling resistance is the name of the game.

4.      Don’t let them win.  In the long run, “us against them” is a losing parenting attitude.  But when the child makes it that for this episode, if you give them their way, you are training them that they can get what they want from you by some kind of aggressive emoting.  Teach them later the right way to ask for what they want, absolutely.  But in the moment, do not give in.  Do not reward bad behavior.  (It may not be the moment to punish it, either.)  Simply withholding what they want and not replacing it with something else to distract them is often the best approach.  A minute after they stop, have them ask or sign respectfully for the same thing, then give it to them.  If they cry in the crib because they don’t want that nap, waiting to go in to them until the screaming fit ends (or at least pauses) can reinforce in the same way.  Disrespectful clamoring for what you want will not be rewarded.  (Parents mostly taught the last two generations the opposite, and look what it has reaped in the political and public square of so-called debate!)

5.      Be patient.  Toddlers throwing tantrums are generally too young to mentally understand abstract concepts like respect and self-denial, but they are old enough to have learned to exert their will.  This is frustrating to parents.  It takes some months of basic training where you aren’t sure if your explanations, spankings, or other artificial consequences are “taking.”  Trust God, and be as consistent as you can.  Be a student of what your child is learning: “what did he just take away from that episode and my parenting?”  Introduce more extensive negative consequences the older and more able they are to connect them to their behavior.  Tweak your tactics when needed, and be ready for that next tantrum.

Yes, your children are sinners, and it is dis-heartening sometimes to see that in such an ugly form.  But Jesus has died to remove the ugly shame and guilt of their tantrum from God’s sight.  You are called to pull weeds in the garden of your family.  May the Lord give you wisdom and diligence and joy in this calling.

You Who?

You Who? Why You Matter and How to Deal With It by Rachel Jankovic

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I’ve made a habit of checking the New York Times best seller list regularly now for the last 3-4 months. One author has consistently had two titles in the top 10 the entire time: Rachel Hollis. “Girl, Wash Your Face!” “Girl, Stop Apologizing!” I admit I haven’t read Hollis. I trust the Gospel Coalition’s critical review of her, though, and it gave me pause.

Now, after reading You Who, by Rachel Jankovic, I connected the dots. Jankovic attacks head on the can-do, “you’re-good-enough” positivism Hollis doles out as a panacea for hurting women. The problem is Hollis cries “peace, peace” too soon, when there is really none to be had until you get to the denial and death of our petty and wicked self, and our recovery in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Jankovic is at her best when substantively refuting Hollis’ shallow, self-affirming message with the basic gospel of the Christian Scriptures. We need to apologize to God and others for sinning against them. We need to do more than wash our face; God needs to wash us clean. We generate gunk on our own and need an outside cleanser in Christ. It isn’t the other way around: that we generate glory inside ourselves and need to shed the gunk the world tries to load us down with. The chapter on looking to Christ was especially good.

I had one quibble with a chapter where Jankovic inadvertently implies that we should rely on our obedience for our standing before God. She is so reactionary against letting emotions define you (mostly a right reaction), that in this chapter she fell into the other ditch of letting your actions define your faith. But it’s important to recall, too, the Romans 7 reality, that we don’t always behave how we know as believers we should.

Jankovic also suffers from a marketing weakness. She seems unwilling to come right out and say to whom she is responding. She knows enough to go after this big beast, but seems to want to keep the reader in the dark that she is refuting a precious author who affirms them as they are. You Who? really needed a subtitle like, “A Response to Rachel Hollis.” Maybe it is intentional to not turn away readers who haven’t heard of Hollis, though.

A solid read overall to re-center women in the Gospel and not heed the siren song of Oprah with a Christian veneer.



View all my reviews

The Importance of Being Earnest

Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


Importance of Being Earnest

So this was my first Oscar Wilde read ever. Barely 70 pages long, filled with snarky yet penetrating social criticism, Wilde knew how to comically caricature a general behavioral fault so we could see ourselves, laugh and hopefully reconsider our ways. I’m not sure I’ll bother to go out of my way to read a lot more Wilde, though.

He plays with the social class’ self-awareness a fair bit. They try so hard to be dishonest, sometimes it backfires and they are found out. They know having a reputation for bad behavior is partly a help in their social ambitions, as long as they don’t cross a certain line. To stay in the socialite circles often calls for disingenuous hypocrisy, and Wilde calls us to sincerity.

Mean what you say.

Be earnest.



View all my reviews

A Memorial Day Thought

When we lived within a half hour's drive of 5 different military bases, the active duty guys were always keen to remind me that Memorial Day is a time to remember those in the military who died serving their country.  Many confuse this with Veterans' Day, a holiday to commemorate all those who have served.  It is akin to the difference between thanking Jesus for dying on the cross, and being grateful for Christian martyrs who kept the faith and died by lions in the arena.  Jesus gave, and these honored dead of our country gave, the last full measure of their devotion.

It's a good analogy, though all analogies break down somewhere.  Those we honor were not perfect and did not make a sacrifice to atone for anyone, nor did they establish a perfect nation.  Often we cannot see the direct effect their death had in the conflict in which they fought, while Jesus' death was efficacious.  He died to make men holy, so let us do what we can and live to make men free.

Memorial Day always has a small home town feel for me.  We had a small parade to the cemetery where the roll call of those buried there who served and died would be read.  Taps and silence.  A short sermon by a local pastor.  Several of the names in the roll call were direct ancestors of mine, or my wife's.  It brings to mind the sacrifices great and small made by our forefathers.  We stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us.  Some were spiritual giants.  Some performed acts of amazing courage.  Some simply kept plodding along, doing their duty.  Let us thank God for them this weekend.

One-Anothering // Racist Democrats? // Fossil Fuels

Here's a helpful infographic on all the "one-another" verses in the Bible.


And here's further evidence that the race and harassment cards are usually only enforced against Republicans/conservatives.


World Magazine lauds the virtues and necessity of fossil fuels.  Despite all the Green New Deal hype, we cannot survive without them and they aren't as dirty as we are led to believe.

Why Baptize Babies? // Against Mr Judgy Pants // Supreme Battle

Toby Sumpter gives a short yet comprehensive and clear case for infant baptism.


Jonathan Edwards had plenty to say against a censorious spirit, Nick Batzig reports.


Here's great insight into the Supreme Court's internal battle.

Bible Project // For Your Marriage // Google's Gags

The Bible Project looks like an engaging yet faithful way to draw in new readers.


Good marriage advice here from Mark Altrogge.


The Claremont Institute is an excellent conservative think tank.  Their president has a piece in the Wall Street Journal today relating their recent gagging by Google's groupthink.  I think you have to subscribe to read, so here's a little more for free: they ran a series critiquing multi-culturalism and identity politics.  Google shut them down.  They spent hours on the phone with Google and only got "you broke the policy in your treatment of multi-culturalism; there is no appeal."  Once Claremont went public with the story, Google reversed course and let them back online.

This is really ugly.  Any criticism of multi-culturalism today is assumed to be racist.  The liberal lie has won the day, that if you'd rather comparatively critique cultures instead of celebrate them without a hint of moral judgment, you must be a xeno-centric, white-supremacist. 

What a world.

Leadership and Self-Deception

Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box by The Arbinger Institute

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Written in a business world context, this valuable book applies widely to anyone who works with others. It shows how we blame others and justify ourselves as a defensive response when we have not done what we should for others. We minimize our problems and exaggerate their faults, and don’t realize we are doing it. This self-deception, the authors call being in the box. A primary cause of this is objectifying others as tools for our agenda, instead of treating them as people.

There is a lot of sound theology behind this. It really defines conviction, sin, and repentance quite well regarding behavior toward others. It shows the slipperiness of sin. How anything can be used for sinful, self-serving purposes, even this book that exposes our self-serving tendencies! If we don’t give more weight to our own responsibilities than others’ faults, we’ll stay in the box. There is a difference between blaming others to get something for yourself, and assigning responsibility to them for their own good.

An important read for those in conflict with others, and those who have a “problem” person in their life, whether at work, church or home.



View all my reviews

Sunday Mornings

Sunday Mornings: An Introduction to Biblical Worship by Brian W. Phillips

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


A colleague and pastor in North Carolina wrote this wonderful introduction to what worship should be. While there are more academic treatments of covenant renewal worship, which is characteristic of my denomination the CREC, this one is easily readable and meant to address the average church goer.

Phillips first attacks the problem, critiquing the typical church’s approach to worship today. It is too casual when we should cultivate reverence and awe. We exalt sincerity and give any and every worship experiment a pass in its name. The Nadab and Abihu incident from Leviticus 10 rebukes this attitude in force. We also remove our children from worship and cater a more entertaining program to them until well into their teen years. Then we wonder why they don’t like “adult worship” when they are brought in later on.

Phillips argues instead that there is a biblical pattern of worship, principles we still should follow found in the most specific instruction God ever gave His people on worship, in Leviticus 9, which Hezekiah follows in 2 Chronicles 29:20-36. I’ll leave the details of this for another time.

Phillips also argues for bringing the children to Jesus in the corporate (all together) worship service. A generation ago (maybe a bit less), this was known as family-integrated worship. The label has fallen on hard times, due to legalistic excesses and scandals in the movement, but the idea is still a good one: stop segregating God’s people by age and instead train the children in the thing you want them to arrive at: mature worship. I think a valid case can be made against this: why not teach to children at the level they can understand (Nehemiah 8:3)? But there’s a better case for the inclusion of children (they eat the Passover lamb, Ephesians 6:1 is addressed to them, etc.). An analogy might be teaching a foreign language using the immersion method early on when they don’t get it all yet, instead of teaching them the grammar and vocabulary later on.

Phillips addresses other hotly debated topics even more briefly:
We should give our baptized children communion with everyone else.
The Sabbath is an ongoing commandment but shouldn’t become a burdensome obligation.

The whole book will either turn people off early on and they’ll dismiss it, or it just begs for more study if Phillips’ assertions are taken seriously, as I heartily believe they should be. One place to go next is The Lord’s Service, by Jeff Meyers.

Highly recommended for thinking through what your church experience should be.



View all my reviews