As the pastor of a church that self-identifies (!) as
patriarchal, I read with interest Matt Holst’s article critiquing Patriarchy at Reformation 21. Mr
Holst’s analysis is a mixed bag, and since many Reformed folk seem quick to
grind the axe against patriarchy these days, I thought I'd offer a cordial
response. Taking each of his five areas of grave concern, then...
First, yes, Patriarchy does tend to diminish and replace
church authority. Yes, and amen. I’ve seen multiple times first-hand the
patriarch playing the part of a dutiful church member until the slightest thing
crosses his agenda. Then it’s back to
home church or skip to the next church that will leave me alone to my family. The accountability tends to be one-way:
patriarch holding the church accountable, and seldom the other way around.
Second, yes, Patriarchy tends to isolate families away from
even the church, not to mention the world.
Again, the slightest thing to impinge on the sacred family schedule is
dismissed. Patriarchal churches and
families are great for the introverted among us, but not so much for the moms
who need connection and encouragement from others outside the family. It’s fine to avoid over-scheduling so that
you aren’t at a church meeting away from your family every night of the
week. It
is NOT okay to swing the other way, and not connect with
your church family at all except a couple hours on Sunday for one worship
service.
The third point, that patriachalists turn the roles of
prophet, priest and king into church offices, is nearly the same as the first
point. I have found more use, though,
from pointing parents to the roles, than abuse from those taking it too far. The average Christian father isn’t even aware
that he can or should represent Christ to his family in any way as prophet,
priest and king. Reviving an awareness
of these roles without putting the father’s position in competition with the
church’s is the goal.
Fourth. Here’s where it
gets really interesting. Yes, bad patriarchy
tends to pull apart the husband-wife unity, and set the man on top, isolated
from his family in decision making. I
have seen this play out in very detrimental ways, first hand. On the other end of the spectrum, in most
households today mom usually proposes things verbally and then just goes ahead
with them when dad doesn’t say anything against it. This is bad matriarchy, in response to the
husband’s abdication of his job. (Funny so many Reformed are on a crusade against patriarchy, when the opposite problem is actually
afflicting our main culture far more.)
Holst is absolutely right that mom should have authority in the
home. But it ought not be a self-asserted
authority, separate from what the parents decide together to do.
The fifth point is off base, I think. While a great deal of legalism does tend to crop up around patriarchy, God’s design is that the husband be the head
of the wife – that he be the one individual with authority in the home, as
Christ to the church (Ephesians 5:22-27).
Centering authority in one person in the home was God’s idea. In the family structure, there is not a
plurality of leadership in the same way you have in a board of elders. It is not a singularity of leadership as
with a bishop or dictator. And yet, the woman is
given as a helper IN LEADING. That is
where I part ways with bad patriarchy.
But there is an office of family leader which the man is called to
fulfill. That is where I part ways with
Holst. If this seems a contradiction to
the fourth point, remember that the isolation is the problem. Every leader needs to both be with his
people, and be apart from them to lead them.
The trick for the husband is to see his wife as a co-shepherd leading him
or helping him to lead others, or to see her as a sheep to be led, depending on what
the situation is calling for.
As a post-script, it is also right to point out that men are not over women generally, but that this is specific to the marriage relationship. Holst misses 1 Timothy 2:11-15 here, which does not put men as a class above women as a class. But it does reserve offices of authority for men. In this way, all Christians should be for patriarchy in the literal sense (“men rule”), while avoiding the excesses of bad Patriarchy.
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