How to Visit and Join a Church

As a pastor for about 20 years now, I’ve seen many people come to a church, and many people leave a church, in many different ways.  Pastors have some insight into this.  Here’s mine.

 

Last time I wrote on how to leave a church.  

Here are thoughts on how to find and join a church.
 

1. Pray about your priorities
What are you looking for in a church?  I could just leave this to you to discern, but I’m actually going to tell you, at this point, what you should look for! 

• One, a Sunday worship service that reverences and glorifies God joyfully.  There should be some structure so it’s more than just whatever songs are on the radio right now, and whatever “the Spirit laid on the heart” of the pastor. 
• Two, preaching that sticks to the Bible closely, proclaiming the Gospel and applying it to life. 
• Three, a leadership that takes an interest in seeing everyone pastored/shepherded by elders, willing to lovingly confront sin in members when needed.
• Four, a congregation that is loving each other, and also outwardly focused on reaching the community with the Gospel. 
• Five, the church leadership is accountable to someone beyond themselves. 
• Six, a noticeable rejection of any popular social position in the culture that doesn’t align with Scripture (LGBT, wokeness, and social justice are main ones today).

Notice as you visit possible churches what it is that attracts you to it.  Is that a legitimate factor, or not?  Much of the conservative church today is slipping into Corinthian thinking (chapters 1 and 3): is the pastor at this church “of Doug Wilson” (or of Dever, Mohler, Leithart, Apollos, or of Paul)?  Then I’ll go there (or not).  It might be Ligonier, or VanTil, or a dozen other figures.  These things CAN be a legit shorthand for finding a safe church space (!), but make sure to look under the hood, and not just at the label.
 
 
2. Talk to an elder about the church, and about what you are looking for
Ask about the above six things.  Ask about the last pastor or three, how long they were there, and what led them to leave.  Ask about the current leadership dynamic – is it positive and constructive, or struggling with disagreements and conflicts?
 
Looking under the hood means letting a new church look under yours, too.  Tell them why you left the last church, being as charitable as possible.  Offer contact info for the two churches to talk about it with each other.  Having a church history should be a bit like having a job history.  If you burned down the workplace leaving your last job, your next possible employer should know about it.  If you left the last job for petty reasons, your next job interview might bring that to light.  If you left amicably over legit disagreements, that’s another thing.
 
 
3. Realize you’re new, so you’ll feel awkward
Any group takes time to welcome new people into its midst.  Don’t assume the awkwardness you feel is their fault for being “unwelcoming.”  It’s also you interacting with brand new people, which can be intense and draining.  Give it time.  It’s good to attend a church for 3-12 months before joining, to see its seasonal cycles, and let relationships unfold naturally and see how they go.
 
 
4. Don’t give up
It takes work, but find and join a church.  Covid resulted in a great “dechurching,” they are calling it.  This is a horrific shift, where people figure, like shopping, they can get it done with less fuss and hassle online than in person.  No!  The Christian life can only be lived in physical community with other believers.  Digital consumption will not cut it.  If you doubt me, consider 1 Corinthians 12, Hebrews 13:7, 17, and 1 Thessalonians 5:12-14.

Much like starting and raising a family, it takes a heavy investment to find and join a good church.  But the spiritual benefits and reward God reaps for this act of faith is worth it.